17 Reasons As To Why You Should Love Me or Hate Me..

As a kid I could never muster the guts to talk to any random girl in my class and could only mingle with girls who took the initiative to talk to me. The case is still the same at present.


I believe in destiny and fate. "What is bound to happen WILL happen" . I DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD. I feel that people believe in GOD to serve their crooked and wicked ideas and means. If the so-called "GOD" is considered to be virtuous, then , OBVIOUSLY he/she won't be pleased when people pay reverence in the form of stupid rituals, ceremonies and sacrifices.


I like music which pleases my ears and my soul. I'm not a specific band follower. My idea of music is meaningful lyrics followed by an inspiring voice and a good background score. I can listen to the same song OVER and OVER again. And yes, if you take me to be a Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber fan, you are deeply mistaken.


I play all kinds of sports be it soccer, golf, cricket, squash, swimming, tennis and badminton. I'm equally good at all except soccer. I have a soft corner for this sport.


I'm a die-hard Gunner. This happened when I was apparently young and watched Thierry Henry score a mersmerising goal. Since then, then has been no looking back on my fan-following. I dream of playing for Arsenal someday .*sighs*.


I love watching Hollywood movies. I have a fetish for sci-fi and thrillers. I have watched umpteen conspiracy theories and they still don't cease to make me go in awe and wonder.


My role model is none other than the How I Met Your Mother guy, Barney Stinson and Joey from Friends!!


I watch practically every sitcom aired on Star World, AXN and Zee Cafe. It tends to make my sense of humor better somehow ! If I had to choose my favourites, it would be Prison Break, HIMYM, Two and a Half Men and Friends.


I'm a FIFA fanatic. If you are really interested for a one-on-one, do say so. I have played all kinds of PC games which includes brainstorming, blood,  gore, violence , you name it!


I tend to be too frank and modest at times which people take leverage of. I trust people way too easily.


I have an uncanny dysfunction of getting red-faced whenever somebody (by somebody i mean a pretty girl) compliments me or makes the timidest of comments. All in All I'm the CHAMPION of blushers !


I love debating on matters which interest me and am aware of. I get wholly involved in such arguments and debates.


I wish to join Mensa ( its a High IQ society for people having an IQ above 150). I have been solving Sudoku puzzles and Mensa books of late.


Wiseacres SERIOUSLY piss me off. People should project what they really are. I hate hypocrites and people who lack ratiocination on topics which they feel they know a lot about.


I am the KING of procrastination. People are inspired by my ability to put off projects and important assignments.


I have crushes on infinte supermodels and actresses. Unfortunately, I do not remember a single name.
I suck at remembering birthdays too.


I see myself either in 20 years as a judge on MasterChef or as a solar power magnate and philanthrophist riding in a Koennisegg CCX or Pagani Zonda with a certain Brazilian supermodel by my side , flashing my blinging Vertu mobile filled with unread texts and mails from the President of USA asking for capital to support the government and the growing needs! 

The Cockroach

Its a mercurial creature, I feel,
With a back , hunched so much,
That it reminds me of a certain nun,
The mosaic marble is His playground,
And the lavatory His lair, His world.


One rainy day, a critical lapsus lingae,
Drove me to his muggy niche,
When a morbid sight, 
Made my delusions of grandeur,
Crash to the ground.


His lacerated abdomen, 
Lay head over heels 
And put me into a deep scene.
My attempts at mollifying the creature,
With myrrh, were denied.
The minion sent a fervent prayer
To the firmament and 
Quick came the mundane reply.


His flick feelers rested,
For the first time in his life.
The past moribund cockroach 
Must've had a rhapsodical time.
The supreme's ricochet 
Did not create any ripples
Except for thoughts on
The idea of fatalism.

I Hate Machester United !!

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.



Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.



Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.



Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.

Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over...as he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are "Where the hell am I?". The Cashier replies: "don't worry, its ok, you're in the Nationwide." Ferguson replies, "F**k me, is it May already?"

Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted

Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.



Michael Barrymore has offered Manchester United £1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 pricks behind him and 67,000 assholes jumping up and down.



Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.



Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are f**ing bad singers!!!



Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.



Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.



Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.



Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.



Q: What's the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick



Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.

XoXoX

A Leeds Fan, a Liverpool fan and a Man u fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Leeds fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Leeds fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done. The scouser was next up and after watching the scene, said:" Please fix two pillows on my back, under my dress" But even two pillows & 1 dress could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.

The Manc was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best bars, nightclubs and restaurants in Europe, your city and football team is known throughout the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The manc replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100
lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheikh asks.

"Please tie the Scouser to my back."

Alec F is visiting Highbury..Arsene W tells him that foreign footballers are more intelligent than home grown..."i dont think so " says Alec..AW calls Denis Berkamp over "Your fathers son is not your brother who is he?" "oh thats easy" says denis "its me"...

Next day Alec calls David b in.."tell me son,..your fathers son is not your brother who is he"? David thinks and says" can I think about it boss and come back to you?" That night he asks Victoria the same question.."I'm not sure" she says "phone Jaap Stam he'll know". DB phones JS and asks "thats easy he says its me"

Next day Db goes to see the boss " i've worked it out he says its Jaap Stam" "Get off you daft bugger" says Alec "its Dennis Bergkamp"